From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: It's All Crazy Edition
"Mike Huckabee enters the presidential race. So evangelical voters have a choice, which is more than he wants to give women."
---Larry Wilmore
"Dr. Ben Carson announced that he will seek the Republican presidential nomination. Of course, most Republicans know Dr. Carson by the nickname, Some Of My Best Friends."
---Michael Che, SNL
"Senate Democrats blocked President Obama’s trade bill yesterday because they’re worried it could hurt jobs. It’s not an issue for Republicans, since they’ve all found work as presidential candidates."
---Jimmy Fallon
"A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on the planet on behalf of God. … How would you even go about giving out all those subpoenas? Ushers at Broadway shows would have to say, 'Welcome. Here's tonight's Playbill and here's
a court order. You've been served. Enjoy the show.'"
---New Late Late Show host James Corden
"To be competitive, Republican candidates must say to their base---to paraphrase Bill Clinton---'I feel your crazy.'"
---Bill Maher
"Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. "
---Jimmy Kimmel
[
Chains this week to cinder block and tosses into harbor.]
There. It can never bother us again.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, May 15, 2015
Note: The War of Northern Aggression against Texas has been postponed on account of it's taking longer than expected to attach the lasers to the armadillos' heads. We regret the inconvenience and expect to be rolling through the streets of Dallas by early next week. Have a great weekend, everybody! ---Field Marshal Obama
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7 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next new moon on Monday, a national holiday for the members of Duran Duran:
3
Days 'til the
Garden Grove Strawberry Festival in California:
7
Speed at which that Amtrak train was going in Philadelphia when it rounded a curve designed to be taken at no more than 50mph:
107mph
Factor by which CEOs at the nation’s largest publicly traded companies make more than average production and nonsupervisory workers:
373x
(Source: AFL-CIO)
Number of sunrises and sunsets the International Space Station
sees every day, since it circles the earth once every 92 minutes:
16
Minimum number of vehicles recalled worldwide because of potentially faulty Takata airbags, including five million added to the list by Toyota this week:
28 million
Maximum prison sentence for "inciting binge drinking" in France, where booze-related hospital admissions among young people have increased 30% in recent years:
1 year
(Source:
The Washington Post)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Photographer Ty Foster goes full cone-of-shame…
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CHEERS to firing up the Russ Bus. After wandering in the wilderness for six years after spending 18 in the U.S. Senate as a fierce defender of the left flank, Wisconsin progressive Russ Feingold is back! Yesterday he announced that he plans to kick Republican Ron Johnson to the curb next year. Here's his announcement:
Says Elizabeth Warren: "Nobody fights for the values we share like Russ Feingold. And it’s not just standing up to the big banks---from his landmark legislation to keep money out of politics, to his outspoken opposition to the war in Iraq, we know we can count on Russ when it really matters." Good enough for me.
CHEERS to starting a journey of 3,500 miles with a single step. Kossack virgomusic sends us word that a good friend of hers, in a partnership with Feeding America, is embarking on a pretty gutsy jaunt. While some people may walk across a city or even a state (as Joe Sestak did in Pennsylvania recently) to raise awareness for a cause, Stephanie Robinson is thinking a little bigger:
Stephanie Robinson
Beginning [today], Steph Robinson will run across the United States, starting in the San Francisco area and ending in Washington D.C. She hopes to average 30 to 40 miles per day on a foot journey of over 3500 miles in total. In light of the recent cuts to government food programs, her goal is to help raise funds for local food pantries across the United States, along with raising awareness of food insecurity. She will visit food pantries/food banks along her journey, and she invites folks to join her for a mile or two (or twenty), running or walking, to hear their stories about their own struggles with food insecurity. Steph will document these stories and personally carry them ON FOOT to Washington D.C., where she plans to share them with both legislative supporters and opponents of federal food assistance programs, such as the SNAP (food stamps).
Pretty awesome. You can be among the first to support her "Who's Running This County?" journey by making a wee donation to Feeding America
by clicking here and/or the fund to help with her modest but necessary expenses as she winds her way from west to the east
by clicking here. Oh, and Stephanie? If you happen to pass Kansas governor Sam Brownback on the way, please give him a swift kick in the shins and tell him it's a special greeting from Billy.
JEERS to fuzzy upper lips denied! John Bolton says he won't be running for President of the United States. "Well, that's a bummer," said no one.
CHEERS to Adam and Steve & Adele and Eve. We'll be hoisting a glass of champagne Sunday to toast a notable event in American history: the day eleven years ago when America's first marriage licenses were issued to same-sex couples. And the lead attorney who so deftly shaped the arguments that convinced the state Supreme Court to rule in equality's favor was---and still is, for many more years we hope---a Mainer. Mary Bonauto remembers that wild day:
Mary Bonauto most recently
argued for marriage equality
at the Supreme Court.
Sharpshooters were on the roof of Boston City Hall as Bonauto escorted three couples to get marriage licenses on May 17, 2004. Police led her to their weddings through the throngs of well-wishers and protesters.
At the Arlington Street Church, Bonauto witnessed Rob Compton and Dave Wilson, wearing classic black tuxes and matching red-striped ties, saying their vows, as they all fought back tears. "I was sitting in the church, and I just didn't realize I was gonna fall apart to see, OK, there are Dave and Rob, and they are finally getting married," she says. "I was sitting next to Rob's mother, and she kept handing me tissues. It was her son, and I was the one who was a total mess." … That had never happened before legally in this country. It felt like the cage had been lifted off, and it was just a different world from that point forward."
After looking up the list of
traditional anniversary gifts, I've decided to send all you gay 11-year Bay State spouses something useful made out of steel. We hope you enjoy the bathrobes.
JEERS to disappearing acts not involving trained magicians. Today is Endangered Species Day, which is billed as "an opportunity for people of all ages to learn about the importance of protecting endangered species." I'm proud to say I did my part. For posterity I snapped a photo of a Republican.
CHEERS to special deliveries. On May 15, 1918, the first airmail route got started in the U.S. It ran between Washington, Philadelphia and New York. They had to retool the operation when it became apparent that dangling a mailman from a rope was a really bad idea. Especially in Nettlepatch County.
Louis CK hosts the season finale.
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CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's some TV stuff for this weekend. Tonight on HBO's
Real Time, Bill Maher welcomes John Waters, "Heretic" author Ayaan Hirsi Ali, "By the People" author Charles Murray" and Heather McGhee. The highlight among this week's
new DVDs is Julianne Moore's Oscar-winning turn in
Still Alice. Louie CK hosts the season finale of SNL, which is always a must-watch whenever he's on. Sports schedules:
major league baseball is here (the Red Sox rope-a-dope strategy is working perfectly so far),
NBA playoffs are here and
Stanley Cup playoffs are here. The never-ending awards season rolls on Sunday on ABC with the Billboard Music Awards.
Game of Thrones also continues Sunday and here's your weekly SPOILER ALERT: the king trades in the throne made of swords and spears for a La-Z-Boy because he gets tired of being stabbed in the butt every time he sits down.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup, with the usual caveat that you're better off watching Up with Steve Kornacki and Melissa Harris-Perry:
Meet the Press: Senator...oops, I mean DOCTOR Rand Paul; Robert Sumwalt of the National Transportation Safety Board; former Tonight Show political comedy writer Jon Macks; roundtable with vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and rocky road.
With lineups like this, Sunday
morning is serious viewing.
This Week: Sens. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Dianne Feinstein (D-CA); NTSB's Robert Sumwalt; former CIA deputy director Michael Morell hawks a book on war war war and war; roundtable with Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy and Doc.
Face the Nation: Face the Nation: NTSB's Robert Sumwalt and Sen. Bob Casey (D-PA) on the train derailment; Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI); House Intelligence Committee chairman Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) claims ISIS is under your bed right now; former SecDef Robert Gates; roundtable with Betty, Wilma, Fred and Barney.
CNN's State of the Union: They haven't updated their web site yet, so let's go ahead and predict Thor, Iron Man and Wonder Woman, and a roundtable with Zeus, Athena, Poseidon and Apollo.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Senator Creamy McDreamy Rubio; roundtable with Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 15, 2005
JEERS to unwelcome hitchhikers. Voting 100 to 0 (no one wanted to get caught voting against it before they voted for it), the Senate approved another "emergency" $82 billion for Iraq and Afghanistan. The good news: up to $5 billion of it will be spent wisely. A record high!
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And just one more…
JEERS to the gate to end all "…gates." Since 1973, we've had Iran-Contragate, Travelgate, Monicagate, U.S. Attorneygate, Plamegate and, in the case of the Obama administration as seen through the right-wingers' lens: "Day-ending-in-y-gate." But the big kahuna of gates got underway 42 years ago Sunday, when the televised Watergate hearings began. I remember them well, mainly because my mom watched every second of them and they pre-empted my afternoon cartoons, gawdammit!!!
Watergate hearings chairman Sam
Ervin was a bulldog...and a hoot.
A month after the televised hearings, which started May 17, 1973, an astonishing 97 percent of Americans had heard of Watergate, according to the U.S. Senate website. And 67 percent believed that President Nixon had participated in a cover-up of the 1972 break-in at the Democratic National Committee headquarters at the Watergate office complex in Washington. Nixon never confessed and declared that “I have never been a quitter” right before he did just that.
To commemorate Sunday's 42nd anniversary, Fox News will spend the day putting a "D" after Nixon's name.
Have a great weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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